Day 94: April 4, 2009

Question 65:
Is it more difficult for you to speak kindly or honestly?

Responses:

• I used to consider myself a kind person and I used to consider myself an honest person. I have come to realize that I am not always either of the two. Although there is an edge to me, I think I can easily be kind when the circumstance calls for it. It is in my nature, I think, to be so - it is only outside influences (stress, fear, fatigue...) that can make me forget to take care of others. I find it much harder to speak honestly because in order to speak honestly, you have to THINK honestly, and that, for me, has taken a concerted effort. I have recognized that I will speak of what I WISH was true rather than the actual truth. Also, kindness is relative - we relate it to other people. Truth is truth - but it has to travel through the mind and heart and tongue of a subjective being and there it can become something other than absolutely truthful. Despite what our intention is.
• It is easy to be kind. It is very difficult to speak honestly when so much of one's truth is sub-conscience or even un-conscience. It is difficult to know one's truth, in that sense it is difficult to speak it.
• Honestly. Especially if it's not a good honest.

Song:
Bad Tom Smith, by Blind Corn Liquor Pickers

Lyrics:
Long frock and beat up hat
Horse beat to hell and back
Old miners swear to’ve seen him beating dust up ‘long the track
The hills ain’t known no rest
Since the feudin’ settled in
And Bad Tom Smith found focus for the storm he’d held within

Dark and blood soaked ground
Pitched battles all around
A siege on Perry County and the law won’t make a sound
Armed bands of kin obsessed
With grievance to redress
Tom Smith done tipped the balance in this pitch black bitter mess

Bad Tom Smith ain’t gonna haunt these hills no more
He’ll be danglin’ down through bloody Breathitt County’s scaffold floor
Bring ‘em down from Owsley County, bring ‘em down from Knott and Lee
Bring ‘em out from mines in Hazard, man’s one chance to see
The why and what of hell in the devil’s eyes and the killer’s pleas

Under fire hot as hell
Boys pinned down by the well
Tom Smith came down on Eversole hard rainin’ shotgun shells
Rank mountain boy’s no match
For cold mercenary will
The French clan bought the mountain when they paid Bad Tom to kill

Bad Tom Smith ain’t gonna haunt these hills no more
He’ll be danglin’ down through bloody Breathitt County’s scaffold floor
Bring ‘em down from Owsley County, bring ‘em down from Knott and Lee
Bring ‘em out from mines in Hazard, man’s one chance to see
The why and what of hell in the devil’s eyes and the killer’s pleas

Sun up on Jackson Square
Judge Parker calls for prayer
A hush came down like water as old Tom’s words filled the air
Take warning from my fate
If you judge me be damned
Bad whiskey and bad women lord have brought me to where I am

Bad Tom Smith ain’t gonna haunt these hills no more
He’ll be danglin’ down through bloody Breathitt County’s scaffold floor
Bring ‘em down from Owsley County, bring ‘em down from Knott and Lee
Bring ‘em out from mines in Hazard, man’s one chance to see
The why and what of hell in the devil’s eyes and the killer’s pleas